Never forget

Friday, July 3, 2009

This past Monday night something happened that I never want to forget. When I'm having a bad day, or frustrated, or crying because of lack of sleep- I can always think back to this past Monday night, and it will remind me of how lucky I am to be this little girl's mom.

The week Bevan went back to work was the week from hell because I was so used to having him around, and here I was taking care of the baby by myself. But since his shifts rotate every other week, he happened to go back to work on the bad week where he had a bunch of shifts all in a row. Baby P and I made it through the week just fine, but by the time the next Monday came around - Bevan was working again, and I was exhausted. So at 10:00 that night, I was trying to feed her and put her down to bed so I could get some much needed sleep...but she just kept crying. After 30 minutes of trial and error, I figured out that my milk still hadn't dropped, and the poor thing was just hungry. So I got some reserve milk from the fridge (that I had been trying to stock up on for my inevitable return to work), warmed it up, and put it in a bottle. By this time, it was about 11 PM- and I was worn out and feeling like a bad mom for not being able to feed my baby. As I sit down on the couch, crying, to give her the bottle, all I can think about is how tired I am and I wish I could just go to bed. As she starts eating- I obsess about the idea of sleep, and find myself wishing away these precious newborn months-wishing she was older and would sleep through the night already.

That was when it happened. Here I was still crying, and being extremely selfish- when she reached her hand up, and wrapped her tiny fingers around my hand that was holding the bottle, and she just looked at me. She stared me in the eyes, and held my hand tightly until she was done eating. It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced- it was like SHE was trying to comfort ME. By the time I was done feeding her, I was still crying- but not because I was tired- but because of the love and adoration I had for her. She definitely put me in my place that night, and I vowed to never take this time for granted. She'll never be this little again, and I need to savor it. Eight hours of sleep doesn't compare to the time I get to spend with her.